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    Author: Gary McFarlane

    Is it true that “Black men don’t do therapy?”, Somewhat provocative, but is there an element of truth? As a black Afro-Caribbean male, I remember undertaking my counselling training with RELATE and planned to do a major career shift from the lawyer to therapist. I wanted to be a psychosexual therapist, but had been told that I needed to beginning with general counselling skills.

    I still look at myself in the mirror and ask how a black male whose wife was not going to see him naked, is now talking about sex every day with his clients. The training as a volunteer counsellor began and Freud and those other psychoanalysts were getting on the inside of me and bringing to the forefront, my attachment issues of being left in Jamaica by my parents when I was 18 months old and not joining them in England until was aged 6.

    How dare some clever clogs called John Bowlby sum me up in his description of insecure attachment styles. Yet, “oh my goodness”, that is describing me; “I don’t like this”. Anyway, I’m not sharing me with some busy-body counsellor (even if I am training to be one of them)! Only Freud can unravel a complex being like me. Avoidance was short lived as I was in my 40’s and was haemorrhaging in pain with the Insecure Attachment behaviours taking a massive toll in my key adult relationships.

    The Prince William & Harry have help to breakdown the British reserve about being seen and known to have a mental health condition and the perceived weakness of going into therapy (and not through the back door in case someone sees). Hollywood stars and celebs have done their part. We are not there yet, but for those (and others) who prefer therapy unseen, I shall launch my second Video-on-Demand Online programme in January 2023. It is for Couples, singles, partners, pre-married prep, marrieds, long, long time marrieds. (What a mouth full!).

    I have no doubt – because it is tried and tested with hundreds of past clients – it WILL significantly impact relationships for good. This latest offering is a coming together of my 20 years (and a few books) – experience of counselling clients in relationship & sex issues. It is a Video-on-Demand online webinar programme with workbooks, accessibility from anywhere in the world. It is about relationships.

    The programme content is very comprehensive. Some 41 thirty minutes videos, with workbooks. More than “something for everyone”!

    We talk childhood development, family scripts, insecure bonding that plays out in adulthood, conflict, conflict management & resolution, right through to sex (before breakfast!), to advanced sex (for those that are ready). State of the art, up to date current thinking – is brought to clients. By the way, some thinking and teaching doesn’t change. What great grandma knew, is often more than wisdom now!

    No more “round and round the mulberry bush”. Learn it well this time around, apply well and see the beneficial outcomes that move relationships from one trajectory to a new one – for good.

    It would make for a life changing unforgettably valued Christmas present – investment in someone(s). What do you think? know of someone to whom you might pass on this blog or for whom you might want to invest in their lives with this gift.

    Contact me, should you be interested – even if it is for a friend of a friend!

    Gary McFarlane – Therapist

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