Author: Ayesha Dornelly
There is something so rewarding about working with people who struggle with their anger – To hear their success stories as they work to calm themselves as they find themselves on the verge of reacting rather than responding to a situation.
Recent feedback I received after a first session with a client was: “FYI, I went to the gym and had a good session, someone annoyed me at the gym and I remembered to relax my body/muscles that felt tense and I felt better pretty instantly so thank you for that advice I can see it being helpful in future situations”
Those who struggle with their anger tend to be quiet passionate. They want to do better but have no idea where to even begin. Controlling their anger is not something that comes easily to them, which leads to many issues in their life.
Our 3 Responses and Anger
We have two parts of our brain, the intellectual part of our mind, the part that is conscious, the part we use in our interactions with each other – When we are in this part of the mind, we generally get things right, tend to be more positive, be more rational, have self-control and are generally able to come up with an answer based on a proper assessment of the situation.
Then there is another part of or mind – the original, older, and stronger part of our mind – the primitive mind (also known as the emotional mind). Which only operates within the primitive parameters of the freeze, fight, or flight auto responses. (Most people have one automated response they tend to lean towards more than the others). When we are in this part of the mind, we tend to see things from the worst-case scenario, are negative, hypersensitive, obsessional and hyper vigilant.
Our emotional primitive mind can be triggered when we are under a lot of stress or sense danger is near. Most people who struggle with anger issues, tend to lean towards their fight auto primitive response. Pairing this automatic response with passion, and you may just have an issue that leads to intense feelings of anger.
As the person’s fiery responses and tendency to be confrontational in stressful situations lead to them feeling misunderstood, their anger may be intensified. They struggle to communicate and build healthy boundaries, leading to even higher levels of stress.
Nobody Wants to Feel Angry All the Time
Those who struggle to control their anger don’t act out because they want to. Their reactions to stressful stimuli often lead to outbursts that later cause them to feel immense guilt. As this vicious cycle completes its cycle, the person’s self-esteem begins to take a hit.
So, why do they have these outbursts if they feel so guilty after? Oftentimes, those who struggle with anger issues have trouble understanding themselves and their triggers. When a person lacks in self-awareness, their reactions can overpower their responses, causing them to do something they later regret.
People who struggle with anger issues don’t live their lives planning to be angry. They just haven’t learned how to understand their triggers and reactions, yet. Because of this, the person’s primitive mind takes over, causing them to react blindly out of rage and defensiveness.
How Solution-Focused Hypnotherapy Helps
Using Solution focused Hypnotherapy, clients can develop a better understanding of themselves, their triggers, and their reactions. The hypnotherapist is then able to help them rewire their mind to have the type of response that they want- a response that does not riddle them with guilt.
Developing a stronger sense of self-awareness can be just what a person needs to control the anger and rage inside them, preventing them from doing something they will later regret.
Through hypnotherapy, anger management clients learn coping techniques, like breathing exercises, self-soothing techniques, setting boundaries, etc. to calm the storm before the anger hits, allowing them to respond to the situation rather than react.
After this, the client and hypnotherapist will explore the subconscious automated patterns that may be causing the person to struggle with their anger management. Once you have discovered these unhelpful patterns, you will work together with your therapist to develop good coping mechanisms and techniques to help you become the person you want to be – a healthy communicator, responder rather than reactor, and an overall calmer person.
If you or anyone you know is struggling with their anger, hypnotherapy may be just what you need to feel happier and more in control of your emotions.
By Ayesha Giselle Dornelly Expert Life Coach, Solution Focused Hypnotherapist & Anxiety UK Approved Therapist. Featured in Gazia Magazine and Happiful Magazine. Young adults, ambitious professionals and overwhelmed millennials turn to Ayesha when they want to build their confidence and self-resilience to rise above the pressures and stresses of their hectic days and design a life that they desire.